Mass Deportations & Tariffs Spark Nationwide Labor Crisis; Americans Shocked to Learn Elections Have Consequences

The White House’s tariffs on Canada, Mexico, and China have triggered supply chain disruptions, rising costs across multiple industries, and international tensions—but for many Americans, the real crisis is unfolding at their local Chipotle, where guacamole prices have skyrocketed overnight.

”I voted to deport people, not Avocados.” exclaimed one irate, formally undecided voter who we interviewed outside of a Chipotle. “Where are the Avocados?” he shouted, “Don’t they grow on trees?”

As avocado imports from Mexico became 25% more expensive in recent weeks, customers are now forced to confront the true horrors of inflation: guacamole prices hitting an unprecedented $10 per serving.

These tariffs also come in the wake of sweeping deportation policies aimed at “restoring jobs to Americans while curbing the Fentanyl crisis.”

The nation is experiencing an unprecedented labor crisis as fields remain unharvested and supply chains grind to a halt. Citizens accustomed to avocados on demand are reeling from empty grocery shelves and skyrocketing prices.

“I don’t want to go back to vodka,” said Karen Wilkes, a visibly distressed suburban mom, who opted to purchase $8 cucumbers and $5 tomatoes over a bottle of Tequila. “As a single mother, I find that I really need Tequila to make it through the day. If I can’t afford tequila, I at least need guacamole."

Experts have warned for years that mass deportations would devastate industries reliant on immigrant labor, particularly agriculture, hospitality, and construction. To simultaneously couple it with the largest tariffs in almost a century, while focusing them on our largest trade partners and neighbors—has left many Americans and our Canadian neighbors, stumped. Despite these consequences, officials are doubling down on their stance.

“If Americans want avocados, they can get out there and pick them themselves,” said Secretary of Labor Bryce Callahan, adding, “Nothing builds character like a little manual labor.”

“This is what economic collapse looks like,” said one devastated customer, staring numbly at his bowl of dry, lifeless rice. “If I had known this would happen, I I probably would have still made the same decision, but I’m still very upset..”

‘It Wasn’t Supposed to Affect Me, Say Voters**

While economists warn of rising consumer costs, job losses, and trade retaliation, the real crisis is unfolding inside America’s busiest fast-casual chains, where angry customers are taking out their frustrations on helpless burrito artists.

“I thought tariffs were supposed to bring jobs back,” said Bryce Carter, a self-described ‘political moderate’ currently losing his mind at the cash register. “Not make my burrito bowl cost as much as a Netflix subscription.”

His frustration is shared by millions of voters who, until now, assumed economic policy was an abstract concept with no real-life consequences.

“When I supported strong economic policies, I thought it meant punishing, like, other people,” said Emily Rodriguez, while begrudgingly handing over an extra $5.00. “I don’t mind dragging our biggest trade partners into Hell, but not me. Not my guac.”

However, early attempts to replace deported workers with citizen volunteers have yielded poor results. The federal American Work First program launched with fanfare but saw dismal participation. “I signed up for a TikTok challenge, not actual work,” complained one volunteer after fainting in a lettuce field.

Meanwhile, supply chain disruptions are triggering ripple effects across the economy. Fast-food chains have resorted to serving “patriotic potato mash,” a mysterious dish reportedly made from surplus government rations. Amazon warehouses are slowing operations as overburdened staff struggle to fulfill orders without immigrant laborers. “Prime delivery? You’ll be lucky if you get it this year,” said an anonymous warehouse employee.

Economists are warning that food shortages could soon evolve into full-blown riots. One grocery store in Arizona has already witnessed a black market for baby carrots, with prices rumored to hit $5 per carrot. “It used to just be pseudoephed that we kept behind the counter, but now we have to lock up baby carrots—even the dehydrated stuff.”

Critics of the administration’s policies argue that the situation was entirely avoidable. “We could have invested in automation decades ago,” said Dr. Lionel Perez, an agriculture expert. “But instead, we’ve relied on exploiting cheap labor. Now we’re stuck trying to teach Karen how to harvest romaine.”

Despite the chaos, officials remain optimistic. “This is a moment for Americans to reconnect with their roots,” said Callahan. “Literally. Go dig them up yourself.”