Harry Potter Removed From National Book Ban List: Series to be Re-released From Perspective of Death Eaters
After years of controversy surrounding "problematic themes" in the Harry Potter series, the book franchise has been reapproved for schools and libraries nationwide—but with a twist that has understandably left some fans of the series stumped.
The newly rebranded series, "The Dark Lord’s Legacy," presents the events of Harry Potter from the noble perspective of the Death Eaters, the once-maligned group of wizards whose vision of a structured, traditional wizarding society critics of the series argue were unfairly misrepresented in earlier editions.
The stunning reversal has sent shockwaves through the literary world, and has left many feeling confused.
“Harry was a brat!” Tennessee Congressman Dakota Musgrave argued when we spoke to him on the Congressional floor. “The boy—Harry, he was an entitled, talentless little loser, who had everything handled to him on a silver platter. What a message to relay to our kids.” he snapped.
”For years, we celebrated Harry as a symbol of courage and resistance. Now, we’re being asked to view him as an unruly dissident?” said one baffled editor. “If Voldemort was the misunderstood hero all along, why did he spend seven books trying to kill children?”
“The justification for this revision is... tenuous, at best,” added another publisher. “We’re supposed to believe that a group of masked, snake-obsessed extremists were really the good guys? It’s like trying to make Darth Vader’s Empire the underdog.”
”We don’t feel Voldemort has gotten a fair shake.” Congressman Dakota Musgrave continued to argue. “ Imagine being on the precipice of greatness—the greatest wizard to ever live, and some entitled runt comes along to serve as a foil to your ambitions? We have to turn a corner on propaganda and end the indoctrination of our youth.”
The new series recasts Lord Voldemort as a misunderstood leader who was merely “concerned about wizarding purity” and “pushing back against radical muggle integration policies.” The series will be revamped, with notable changes, including an ending that may not prove to be favorable for “The Boy Who Lived.”
“For too long, young minds have been exposed to a distorted version of history,” said one literary reformer behind the project. “It’s time we shed light on the real heroes—the disciplined, forward-thinking wizards who fought for heritage and order.”
Some notable changes:
Harry Potter, formerly ‘The Chosen One,’ is now a “rebellious extremist” radicalized by Dumbledore.
Dumbledore, long considered a beacon of wisdom, is now rebranded as a subversive instigator whose unchecked influence endangered wizarding traditions.
The Ministry of Magic is portrayed as a weak, bureaucratic nightmare, unable to enforce proper wand-control laws.
Hogwarts itself undergoes a major rebranding, with the new slogan: "Discipline, Order, Legacy."
Each novel has been meticulously rewritten to better reflect “a values-driven approach to wizarding education.”
Book 1: "Tom Riddle and the Boy Who Wouldn't Behave"
Book 2: "Salazar Slytherin and the Dangers of Non-Magical Influence"
Book 3: "The Ministry of Magic’s Hardest Year (A Biased Account by Sirius Black)"
Book 4: "The Triwizard Tournament and Why Merit Matters"
Book 5: "Dumbledore’s Reign of Educational Tyranny"
Book 6: "Severing Snape: A Portrait of Betrayal"
Book 7: "The Dark Lord’s Final Stand Against the Muggle world"
Critics Are Calling It “Propaganda”—Supporters Call It “Necessary”
“Dumbledore was a sicko, who preyed on the vulnerable to advance his tyrannical indoctrination of our youth,” Musgrave, who is awaiting a court date for a DUI arrest last month, continued to argue.
“A dweeb like Harry could have been saved with friends like Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. Instead, he decided to hang out with that weird ginger boy and that whinny know-it-all.
Meanwhile, Senator Musgrave later took to social media to voice his approval and to elaborate on his position—and to express his deep admiration for Bellatrix Lestrange.
“It’s about time we recognize the dedication and loyalty of the Dark Lord’s followers,” Musgrave tweeted. “Bellatrix understood the value of tradition, hierarchy, and passion! Some might say TOO much passion, but hey, who among us hasn’t been overwhelmed by admiration for a strong leader?”
When pressed about his remarks, Musgrave doubled down, adding: “Bellatrix was a woman of conviction, and we need more of that today.”
Musgrave later took to a podcast to further express his admiration, saying, “Look, say what you will about her methods, but you can’t deny the passion. The fire in her eyes? The unwavering commitment? We need more people like that in leadership. I mean, imagine what we could accomplish if we had Bellatrix energy in Washington.”
Despite mounting criticism, Musgrave continued to defend his stance, even going as far as introducing a bill to officially recognize Lestrange as ‘an exemplary figure of resilience in literature.’ When asked if he had concerns about her violent and fanatical tendencies, he simply replied, “Nobody’s perfect.”
He went on to describe her as “A true representation of feminine power—dangerous yet alluring, disciplined yet wild. Some people are afraid of strong women, but I find them inspiring.”
Meanwhile, Representative Jonathan Fulsom, a self-proclaimed Harry Potter aficionado, took to the House floor to launch an impassioned speech criticizing the original books.
“Let’s not forget, Potter was an ungrateful, reckless teenager who repeatedly undermined authority. The man had access to literal magic and still chose to live in squalor. What kind of example is that for our children?” Fulsom declared. “He ignored school policies, disrespected his educators, and committed multiple acts of trespassing. I mean, really—breaking into the Ministry? That’s not heroism. He’s a heretic.”
“And don’t even get me started on his associations. A werewolf? A giant? A known trickster who lived in a shack? These are the people he trusted over law-abiding, wand-carrying citizens? It’s no wonder he turned out the way he did.”
Fulsom concluded his speech mirroring Musgrave’s sentiment on entitlement. “We raise our children to believe they’re special. We teach them that good things will come to them without merit. One day, an owl will deliver you a free ride to the school of your dreams. Charlie Bucket with his golden ticket. Luke Skywalker discovers he’s special. We have to end the propaganda that threatens to poison our youth.”
When I was 13, I worked at McDonald’s. I was also a lifeguard, and I shoveled driveways during the winter months for extra money. My family was on welfare. No one ever lifted a finger to help us.”
As for Shippers of Dramione, the hypothetical romantic pairing of Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, supporters of Harmony, Darry, Snack, Sevatrix, Bellamort, Chudley or Honks… we’ll just have to wait and see how the romantic side of Hogwarts plays out in this retconned reimagining of a universe that has brought so much joy to children for decades.
For now, all we know is that the Sorting Hat has been replaced with a loyalty questionnaire—and wrong answers have deathly consequences.
