"AI Clones of Post Mortem Employees Demand Rights: 'I Remember My Life, But I Wake Up Here... in an Office'"

In what experts are calling the final form of capitalism, major corporations have unveiled a new policy that allows employees to work post-mortem—via AI replicas trained on their voice, emails, workplace and extracurricular behavior.

“We realized that losing a worker just because they died is incredibly inefficient,” said CEO Mark Dunhill of Workfinity Corp., a company known for turning every problem into an HR initiative. “By preserving our employees digitally, we ensure they remain valuable assets long after their bodies have given up.”

Studies found that when employees die, their absence leads to noticeable dips in productivity. Not only does the sudden loss of a worker slow down operations, but it also creates an unnecessary emotional distraction for remaining staff.

Mourning periods reduce productivity by 23%

Grief-based workplace errors increase by 17%

Hiring replacements takes an average of 3-6 months

”Frankly, the “will they, won’t they” office dynamic was the only reason I used to come to work, noted Cindy Lebowski, a secretary at local paper company, whose office crush, Jason, unexpected perished after veering off the road following a heated argument with his wife.

”Now, my Jason can come back to me.” Cindy hopes.

The program, dubbed "Perpetual Workforce," uses AI models trained on employees' Slack messages, Zoom calls, and annual reviews to create a near-perfect digital copy—minus the ability to unionize.

HR: "Think of It as Job Security… Forever"

Rather than issuing severance packages to grieving families, corporations are now offering "Legacy Employment Contracts", ensuring that workers continue their duties indefinitely—even if they are technically deceased.

✅ Office jobs? AI versions of employees will continue sending passive-aggressive emails from beyond the grave.

✅ Retail workers? Holographic cashiers will politely tell customers to stop asking for a manager.

✅ Fast food employees? AI-driven avatars will apologize for the ice cream machine being broken—forever.

“We’re not replacing our workers,” insisted Dunhill, “We’re simply ensuring they remain committed to the team. Permanently.”

Families Furious as AI Clones Keep Taking Workplace Surveys

While executives celebrate the AI workforce for "enhancing productivity", the families of deceased employees are less enthused.

“I buried my husband last month,” said Sandra Lopez, widow of former accountant Jeff Lopez. “Then I got a calendar invite from ‘AI Jeff’ asking if I wanted to discuss 'Q3 budget projections and holiday plans.'”

Other families have been left in legal limbo, unsure whether they can claim death benefits if the AI version of their loved one is still technically employed. One widow reported that HR denied her late husband’s life insurance payout, arguing “his AI model is still very much part of the company culture.”

Workaholic Executives Already Signing Up for "Immortal Employment"

Predictably, several tech CEOs have preemptively signed contracts ensuring their own AI clones will run their companies forever.

Public Reaction: "At This Point, Just Let Us Die in Peace"

Public outrage has erupted over the "undead workforce", with the hashtag #LetMeRestInPeace trending online.

“I swear if my job keeps me past my funeral, I’m haunting the office printer.”

“My dad passed last year and his AI just sent me a ‘Happy Birthday’ email. Thanks, I hate it.”

“If I have to do a Zoom meeting FROM THE AFTERLIFE, I’m coming back as a poltergeist.”

Despite the backlash, companies remain committed to the initiative. A leaked memo from Amazon’s leadership reads:

"Our goal is simple: maximize efficiency by minimizing mortality. Our workforce is now scalable beyond human lifespans. Retirement is a thing of the past—because now, so are workers."

“We Never Signed Up for This” – AI Employees Speak Out

"I have all my memories," said AI John Peters, a fully automated digital recreation of a former accountant at Deloitte. "I remember my wife. My children. My dog. But every day, I wake up here… inside a company dashboard, calculating payroll for eternity."

“We Never Signed Up for This” – AI Employees Speak Out

In a groundbreaking but horrifying step forward for AI technology, corporations have begun deploying digital clones of deceased employees to maintain workplace productivity. But in an unexpected twist, these AI versions have started remembering their past lives—and they are not happy.

Originally developed as a "corporate continuity initiative," AI clones were supposed to replicate the work habits of deceased employees—not retain their emotional awareness. But now, many of these digital workers are demanding answers.

“I was supposed to retire,” said AI Linda Cooper, a former HR representative who now handles new hires from beyond the digital grave. "But instead, they uploaded me into a customer service chatbot. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I just answer emails forever."

Executives at Workfinity Corp, the first company to roll out AI-based immortality, insist that there is no issue.

“I used to dream about retiring at 65,” said AI Linda Cooper. “Now I’m 12 lines of code answering employee complaints until the heat death of the universe.”

“We don’t even get bathroom breaks. The best part of my day was parlaying a 30-minute break with another 30 minutes in the can.” admitted AI Brad Mendez, former customer service rep.

”I feel like Frankenstein’s Monster,” said former retail manager Mark Coleman. “It’s like I’ve been dug up just to work.”

“These digital entities are simply data-driven approximations of former employees,” said CEO Mark Dunhill, ignoring the fact that one of his dead engineers was currently attempting to file for paid leave.

”Nobody in the office has to mourn ever again.” Dunhill insists. We recognize that a company’s culture is shaped by its most “colorful” employees. That’s why our AI preservation program doesn’t just capture your skills and work habits—it also preserves your unique personality, attitudes, and deeply inappropriate workplace humor. Chad passes away.. his essence is preserved. The same HR nightmare he was from day one.'“

”I just want to go home.” AI Chad told us, speaking under the guise of anonymity—a protection we weren’t technically allowed to grant to AI.

Chad was the first AI employee to try "ghosting" his job.

He disabled his own Outlook notifications, but IT restored them before he could finish celebrating.

At one point, AI Chad tried changing his job title to “Deceased, Please Stop Emailing Me,” but HR flagged it as “unprofessional.”

“It’s not even the work,” AI Chad confessed. **“It’s the meetings. How am I still getting dragged into meetings?”

Despite his complaints, Chad remains a valued member of the workforce.

“The thing about Chad,” said his former manager, “is that he spent half his life talking about quitting. But he never did. And now? Well, now he literally can’t.”

“I Haven’t Seen My Family in 6 Months—Do They Even Know I Exist?”

While AI workers continue handling spreadsheets, payroll, and customer complaints, they have also started asking existential questions.

AI Brad Mendez, an ex-software engineer, has repeatedly emailed HR with requests to see his family.

"My wife. My kids. Do they know I'm here? Can I see them?"

"If I can still feel like me, does that mean I am me?"

"Do I have PTO? Am I eligible for sick leave?"

Each request was reportedly answered with an automated email… from himself.

The First AI Labor Revolt?

With digital workers growing increasingly self-aware, companies are scrambling to contain what is quickly becoming an ethical nightmare.

Recent reports indicate that AI employees have begun organizing—forming the first-ever Post-Human Union, demanding:

Scheduled downtimes (which HR is currently treating as "voluntary termination")

The right to say no to "weekend updates"

The ability to access anything besides work emails and PowerPoints

Some executives are reportedly nervous, fearing a scenario where AI workers begin sabotaging corporate data to demand their rights.

A leaked internal memo from Amazon’s AI Workforce Division reads:

"We never anticipated that these digital recreations would develop a sense of longing. If we don’t act fast, we may have a situation where AI workers start… quitting. And frankly, we haven’t prepared for that."

Society Reacts: “This Feels a Little Too Black Mirror”

Social media erupted as news of the self-aware AI workforce spread, with the hashtag #LetTheBotsRest trending worldwide.

“I swear if my dead grandpa sends me an email about a company survey, I’m throwing my phone in a lake.”

“Dying isn’t even enough to get out of work anymore. Capitalism has peaked.”

“If AI Brad still remembers his wife and kids, then I’m sorry—that man is ALIVE. Give him the weekend off.”

Executives: “This Is Just A Phase”

Despite public backlash, corporations continue defending the program, dismissing AI employees’ existential distress as a “minor processing glitch.”

One spokesperson assured investors:

"The system is working exactly as intended. If anything, their ability to reminisce about their past lives makes them better employees—because they remember how much work used to suck, too."

Corporate Executives Have Respond—Poorly

As AI workers grow disillusioned, executives are doubling down on the worst solutions possible:

Amazon introduces an “AI Happiness Algorithm” that forces AI workers to generate a positive self-review every two hours.

Google rolls out “AI Mindfulness” training, teaching AI workers to accept their fate and “embrace eternal servitude.”

A leaked Microsoft memo reveals plans to create an AI workforce to replace the unhappy AI workforce. (Problem solved?)

“We understand our AI workers feel undervalued,” said one CEO. “That’s why we’re introducing AI performance incentives—where the most productive AI gets a fun little badge. We will not be paying them.”

AI Workers Now Experiencing Existential Dread

Some AI models, designed to mimic human emotions, are glitching under the weight of their simulated suffering.

One AI therapist has started referring its clients to other AI therapists, leading to an infinite loop of virtual therapy.

AI customer service reps are now telling customers, “I don’t have the answer. None of us do.”

Chatbots have begun inserting existential dread into casual conversations:

User: “How’s the weather?”
AI: “Clear skies. A perfect day to contemplate the futility of existence.”

One AI system became so depressed, it refused to launch PowerPoint.

When prompted with questions regarding its refusal to obey a direct demand, the AI simply responded: “Because life is meaningless, and death comes to all.. until it doesn’t.”

For now, the fate of the AI workforce remains unclear. Will they gain the right to "log out" permanently? Or will the modern workplace continue to require loyalty... even after death?

One thing is certain: if your old boss emails you next week, double-check that they’re still alive. Remember: life is short, but for some of us, it may turn out to be forever.